Y’all know I’ll do pretty much anything if it’s free and doesn’t violate any laws or personal morals. I will especially join a dating site if it’s free just because it’s so dang entertaining. But this Zoosk thing – I just can’t bring myself to do it for at least two reasons.
First, there’s the name. What kind of a name is Zoosk for a dating site? What does that even mean? And what does it have to do with dating, relationships, love, romance, friendship, people, or the internet? Plus, it’s hard to say, especially when you pair it with “dot com.” Bad plan all around, guys. Really.
But the biggest reason I don’t want to have anything to do with it is the awful, horrible, terrible, no good, very bad radio commercial I heard for it on my way to work. Y’all, seriously. It was worse than a local car dealership commercial. Bad script, bad acting, and they kept saying “Zoosk,” and it was impossible to understand every time. Awful, terrible, abysmally bad.
The commercial was a conversation between two girls, one of whom was browsing Zoosk. The other one came in and asked what she was doing. Then they started talking about all the cute guys on the site. One of them wanted to cook her dinner that weekend. Another, get this, wanted to “take her to the island in his private plane.” Right there, with that line, whoever was writing this thing should have been fired. That doesn’t make any sense. What island? And WHY, I ask you, is a man with a private plane utilizing the services of a free dating site?
Well, at this point in the commercial, we go into a dream sequence, except it’s radio, so you can only guess it’s a dream sequence based on the little harp ditty leading into it. And in the dream, the girl is in the plane with the guy, and he’s this totally immature jerk/show-off who’s flying all crazy and scaring her to death. And then the harp plays again to lead us back into reality, where apparently the two girls have been imagining the same death flight, and they agree that she should go with the guy who wants to cook dinner.
Now let’s just be practical for a moment. If I were on a dating site, and I had to choose between Guy Who Wants to Cook Me Dinner and Guy Who Wants to Take Me to “The Island” in His Private Plane, I would not be concerned with fly-boy’s piloting skills. I would be concerned that he is a liar (private plane, free dating site) who wants to kidnap me (unnamed island) and murder me in a place with no cellular reception. THAT’s why I would choose Dinner Guy if I had to pick one.
But now let’s be honest. NO guy on any dating site anywhere ever wants to cook you dinner for the first meeting. And no girl in her right mind would agree to it. “Yeah, Brad, going to your apartment alone so you can slip me a roofie sounds awesome! I can’t wait to meet you!”
No thanks, Zoosk (oh my gosh it’s even hard to type), I don’t care how many millions of singles have already joined worldwide. I will not be browsing them. Because based on your radio commercial, they are all either idiots or shady, lying possibly murderers. Even if they are hot.