Will It Swell?

Posted by beth on June 15, 2009

For those of you who’ve been pondering lately the swelling capacity of various body parts, allow me to enlighten you. Be warned, however, as this might be more than some of you ever wanted to know about me.

I had a wonderful weekend with my friend Rachel, her husband Greg, and their ridiculously cute daughter (my goddaughter) Annabelle. Annabelle’s birthday was yesterday, so I went up to see her, and she peppered the weekend with all kinds of adorable phrases like:
* Beth. Open the door. I’m cute!
* You can’t eat poo poo, right?
* I like bad guys.

That last one may prove to be troublesome later on. We’ll see. Anyhoe, we had a good time together, and on Sunday, I drove up to Arlington to have brunch with the lovely Mrs. Emily Furr Hogan and another friend of ours from WILKESBORO!!!!!, Julie. Brunch was delicious, and then, because it was such a beautiful day in our nation’s capital, we decided to take ourselves on a tour of all the monuments and memorials downtown. And I do mean ALL of them (…almost. I think the only one we skipped was the Vietnam one).

**TMI ALERT IN EFFECT STARTING NOW**

Now this is a fine idea if you are either (A) wearing pants/shorts or (B) thin enough that your thighs don’t touch. If, however, you are wearing a skirt and suffer from what we in the industry call “chub rub,” well friends, walking three miles in a skirt in 85º weather is not the best of plans.

By the time I got home (five hours later), it looked like I’d superglued a raw hamburger patty to the inside of each thigh. And knowing how I feel about beef, you can all imagine how pleased I was with that. Luckily, I’d also gotten a nice little farmer’s burn, so I already had the aloe out. I slapped some…well, no, there was no slapping. I gently smoothed some onto my swollen thighs and burnt arms and hit the sack.

The swelling had gone down significatly by this morning, but they’re still quite tender. And I cannot even begin to tell you how sexy those burn lines are going to look with the sassy red halter dress I’m wearing to Jeani’s wedding on Saturday. Hooboy, look out downtown Raleigh!!