Personally, I like my milk pan-fried.

Posted by beth on May 28, 2009

I am honestly concerned, friends, with what seems to be a growing epidemic among single men. I used to think it was just good, old-fashioned laziness at best or dyslexia at worst, but there seriously can’t be that many lazy and/or dyslexic single men out there. Is it just because I teach and write English for a living that they are attracted to me like so many insects to our front stoop? Is the problem so big that the odds simply dictate that 97% of the emails I get from dudes on dating sites are riddled with grammatical, spelling and punctuation errors? Or are these men still single, perhaps, because they blatantly ignore other things in life in the same way they disregard standard English conventions? I do not know. But behold this portion of one message I received recently, copied and pasted, not altered in any way:

Ok i wana talk to you! You have my attention! LOL I just love your sarcasm!! I also really like that your vegan! I am vegetarian myself. Been that way for 38 (almost 39 in September) years. I would do better as a vegan myself. I dont do raw milk but i do eat some eggs and chease. MMM chease! LOL damn chease! Anyway, ALL veggies/vegans should stick together!

Now be honest. Is it too picky of me to require more than this from a native English speaker? Am I being elitist or persnickety when I say I could never date this man? Nevermind the fact that he is clearly too old for me, having been a vegetarian for nearly 39 years. And know that I’m not passing judgment on him as a person, just as a potential husband. Tell me, internet, should I write him back or not?

Then tell me this: MY VEGAN WHAT?? MYYY VEEEEGAAAANNNN WHAAAAAAAT??????

Filed Under: Buddies, ESL, friends, internet dating, not normal, vegan, writing Comments: 12 Comments to Read

Laura Jenny said,

If a man that old can not spell cheese, he does not deserve a response from you. His grammatical sins are unforgivable. Horrible, horrible, horrible!!!!
Andrea said,

yeah he lost me at chease.
sharon said,

frightening. & those emoticons sure didn’t bring any fun to the party, either.
Paige said,

Thank you for doing online dating services if only so you can share these lovely grammatically-defunct internet wooings.
Dre said,

MMM chease!
Will said,

Whateva!!! U just dont understan peeple like me and that dood! Whats u’re problem! Y u hafta be like dat!
Emily said,

So the guy can correctly spell “vegetarian,” but he can’t spell “cheese?” And did he really misspell cheese three times? Wow.
dlf said,

it is not elitist. we have standards.
Megan said,

The responses here were as good as the email! I think all men should be screened by writing a simple paragraph. That guy failed. Big time.
Online Dating Lesson #1: Making the Introduction at Onward Hoe! said,

[...] A level of writing skill comparable to that of a high school graduate. I don’t care how you do it. Pay a ghost writer for all I care, but don’t expect a response from me without it. [...]
Steph said,

and why is he damning cheese?
Why I Love the Internet | Onward Hoe! said,

[...] later admitted to correcting jaredwright23’s spelling and grammar before sending him my way. Y’all know me so well. Filed Under: internet dating Comments: Be the First to [...]