New Moves

Of course you are all aware by now that I have a special way with the meeeuhnz. And by that I mean I am highly skilled in becoming buddies with them. Some girls have guys just falling all over themselves whenever they’re around, unable to think straight or form coherent sentences, but very few are able to get to the “just good friends” stage like I am. I’m telling you, it’s a gift. But whether you’re looking for just good friendship or something more, the first thing you have to do is get the dude’s attention, and I am always on the lookout for new methods of attention-getting.

The first one that every savvy gal should have in her arsenal was introduced by Miss Elle Woods when Legally Blonde came out in 2001. My roommate in Honduras, Charity, and I also introduced to our Honduran family the following summer. It’s the Bend and Snap. Now, I’m not really sure what the appeal is of the Bend and Snap, and if you have any information on this, do let us all know in the comments. We are very curious as to whether or not it would actually have any effect at all on a straight man, much less a positive one.

The 2nd-8th moves, I picked up two years ago at Emily Furr Hogan’s very sexy bachelorette party. Almost none of these moves are appropriate for meeting men, though. They are all reserved for when the two of you are…ahem…better acquainted. However, I do use sexy up on a regular basis, for as I’ve said before, it is a perfectly functional means of rising from a squatting position. Sexy down, however, all the hip rolling and the pony will have to wait. Sorry, y’all.

Well, #9 was introduced to me a few weeks ago at lunch by my friend Casey, who said that it was taught to her by a friend whose mother sat her down when she was 13 and taught it to her. I love that part, by the way. Her mom was looking out for her. Or teaching her to be a trollop. I’m not sure which.

Anyhoe, the move is called Stingray/Stungun, and it basically consists of two different looks. I have tried to capture these in the following photos. However, I have surely not done them justice as they really need to be seen in motion for maximum effectiveness.

Stingray involves a concentrated, squinty-eyed stare, as though you are shooting sexy laser beams out of your eyes. It looks something like this:

Stingray

I think ideally my lips should be more pouty, but I was trying to take these picture in public a couple of weeks ago, and there were people around, so I didn’t want to do too many more takes lest the hotel begin to wonder what, exactly, I was doing on their internet.

The second half of the move is Stungun, which is a more taken-aback sort of look, as though you are saying to the gentleman, “Who, me?”

Stungun

Apparently (according to Casey’s friend’s mom), you look even more mysterious and desirable if you say or mouth the words, “Stingray…stungun,” whilst doing the looks. I am mouthing “stungun” in this picture, which is why I look less than shocked and more like I’m working on a jawbreaker.

So there you have it. “Stingray” is a sort of “Hey there big boy, yeah I’m talking to you” sort of look, and then once you’ve got them with that, you hit them with the coy, surprised, yet still sexy “Stungun.” “What? Why sir, why ever are you looking at me so?”

What do you think? Does it have potential?

Author: beth

I'm told that I'm cleverly stupid, and that's why people are friends with me. And here I thought it was because I was so dang cute...

4 thoughts on “New Moves”

  1. “Stingray” looks like you’re trying to decide if something inappropriate just happened. “Stungun” looks like you’re about to tell the guy that “No, your flatulence is not sexy. Goodbye.”

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