me too, baby…me too

Posted by beth on September 3, 2007

Funny story my friend Emily told me yesterday about her husband, Nick…

Nick is in the Army, and he’s been in Iraq for about 11 months. He came home for a 2.5-week leave recently before returning to Iraq for four more months. Ick. Well Nick is kind of a borderline punk-rockin’ guy. He likes music that makes you dance all crazy and headbang and bump into the speakers. He also likes screamy music, and to look at him, you’d think he’d be an annoying punk kid that just likes to make fun of everything but never do anything. But he’s not like that at all. He’s really quite gentle, and his eyes are always excited-looking.

Emily is kind of a feminist, hippie, performance artist who likes James Taylor, Fiona Apple and Lionel Richie, but to look at her, you’d think she was a soccer mom with a permanent henna tattoo on her wrist.

They’re an incredible, fabulous, unique couple, and they call each other “baby” a lot, even though you wouldn’t expect it. From either of them.

Ok, so Nick was home for 18 days, and they decided to go out to a bar one night. Well, when people found out he was home from Iraq, they started buying him shots, and he didn’t want to seem ungrateful, so he drank them all. And after a while, Emily said, she realized she needed to get some food in him, so she took him through a drive-thru, at which point he said to her, “Baby, I gotta pee,” and his drunk muscles being all relaxed like they were, she didn’t want to tell him to hold it, so when they got their food and pulled past the window, he got out to go inside. Unfortunately, the place was closed except for the drive-thru.

So Nick says he can just “go behind that tree,” “that tree” being one of those little decorative drive-thru trees. But since it was the middle of the night and no one was around, she said that was fine by her. Now, I don’t know why she was standing there with him while he peed, but she was, and as he was peeing, this is the conversation that took place.

Nick: This looks like a Christmas tree.

Emily: Yeah, it kinda does.

Nick: Baby… I wish I was Harry Potter.

Emily: Me too, baby. Me too.

Nick: ‘Cause then you could be Jenny Weasley, and we could get married.

Emily: We’re already married, baby.

Nick: Yeah.