One of my most favorite pictures from our wedding day came from the photo booth at the reception. I love it for its quirkiness, its uniqueness, and its complete and utter awkwardness.
When we saw this picture, we were so confused. “Are they saying that this is what marriage looks like? A beer in your pocket, a husband on your shoulder, looking stoically off into space? Or from the husband’s point of view, grasping the beer in your wife’s pocket, looking over her shoulder longingly at said beer?”
I’m still not sure I understand, but I LOVE this picture because it reminds me that everyone’s marriage is different. People relate to each other differently because they are different, and that is a good thing. There is no one-size-fits-all way to do marriage, but we did get a lot of good advice from the cards on the tables at our reception.
Each table had a box of cards with questions on them for folks to fill out during cocktail hour/dinner. One of them said, “What’s the best marriage advice you’ve ever received?” Here are some of my favorite answers – different answers from different people in different marriages, but all good advice:
- Always tell the truth with a warm heart.
- Always listen with your heart.
- Honor the relationship’s rough places as well as the smooth.
- A Christian marriage isn’t about whether you’re in love. Christian marriage is about giving you the practice of fidelity over a lifetime in which you can look back upon the marriage and call it love.
- Listen. Speak softly. Act with love. Give grace.
- Love is patient. So so patient. Try to be patient.
- Love – laughter – sex – laughter. All created by God, all good. Yep.
- Communicate…communicate…communicate.
- Hear what your spouse is actually saying, not what you think he/she is saying.
- Have physical contact every day! Even if just to show you care.
- Don’t try to change the other person; just accept and love him/her as he/she is.
- Do the marital dance often! Cha cha cha!
- Pants off! Dance off!
- Never go to bed mad at each other, and have a lot of sex! (Both of these were very popular bits of advice.)
- Be good to her, or I will break your knees. (Surprisingly not from my dad.)
- Right and wrong doesn’t matter. (I think this one was from my dad.)
- And of course, this…
What advice should I add to my list?
Try to take time daily to reflect on how you, your spouse, and your marriage reflect the gospel. I am constantly being moved by the ways I see God move in each of us and in us as a couple.
Oh yeah, and ask God specifically for the strength and wisdom to help your spouse thrive, instead of always asking for what you want in/for them or what you THINK the other person needs.