I know I have discussed before the many reasons I do not like to get my hair cut, but I don’t believe I mentioned this: I have yet to meet a stylist who can style my hair in such a way that my first priority upon leaving the salon is not to go home and re-do it. Some of them don’t do a bad job, but I just know that the product they use at the salon is no match for my hair, and that it won’t look good any more in the 20 minutes it will take me to drive home.
And then there are some who are just completely clueless. Here’s how I came home today:
Josh and I took several pictures, and this one came the closest to capturing the enormity of my luscious locks, but it still doesn’t quite get it. When I pulled up in our parking lot, she had just gotten home herself, and when she looked at me, it took her several minutes before she was able to stop laughing enough to get out of the car. Here’s how he styled it:
- Shampoo/condition – Ok so far.
- Apply a “curl activator” from roots to tip – Because that’s what makes it curl. Seriously, y’all. I don’t know how I’ve ever done without this stuff. I’d have stick-straight hair without it. Oh wait…
- Scrunch in a styling “mud” – Ok. Let’s talk about this for a moment because that kind of stuff is not made for scrunching. It’s made for twirling or sculpting, but not scrunching.
- Dry COMPLETELY with a diffuser – You do not dry curly hair completely, diffuser or not. Why? It does this.
- Run hands through multiple times with an anti-frizz serum – By this point, an anti-frizz serum would just be cowering in the corner, helpless to do anything.
Those of you who have curly hair have been cringing at every step since step 2, and those with straight hair don’t quite understand what I’m talking about, but for anyone who’s interested, here’s how you do it.
- Apply leave-in conditioner
- Apply styling product of your choice (gel, cream gel, mousse, pomade, whatever works for you). Run it all the way through all your hairs. Make sure they’re all covered. Then gather them all together so you have one big curl.
- Now you can separate them. Take several 1/2-inch pieces of hair and twirl them around your finger to define the curls.
- At this point, I scrunch in another little bit of gel.
- If you want to blow-dry it a bit, do so with a diffuser. Don’t dry it all the way, though. Just do a little.
- Now stop touching it. Don’t run your fingers through it. Don’t brush it. Don’t separate your curls. Just leave it. If it starts to dry all flat against your head, and you want more volume at the roots, flip your head over and shake it a few times. Don’t be all up in it with your hands.
Take it from me, guys. I know what I’m talking about.