How soon is too soon?

First of all, I can’t wait to see the jump in page views with a title like that. And more importantly, how soon is too soon to start counting down the days until I leave for Italy as opposed to the weeks? Because I’m going to be IN ITALY exactly five weeks from now, which means I leave exactly five weeks from yesterday, which, by my calculations, is 35 and 34 days respectively. Is that too many days? Can I go ahead and make one of those paper chain-a-majigs and start tearing one off each day? Is there a more grown-up way to go about this? Or at least a more eco-friendly way? Ooo! I wonder if there’s some sort of countdown widget I could install here that would do it for me. I’m SURE that there has to be. Even if I have to get one that counts down until my (nonexistant) baby is born, that’ll be fine. Y’all can just imagine that the growing fetus is the Mediterranean coast growing larger and larger as I get closer to living on it.

And then you can all vomit to make up for the morning sickness that I didn’t experience with my non-pregnancy. And THEN, I’ll go to Italy and get all fat on pasta and cannolis, which is exactly the opposite of what’s supposed to happen AFTER you give birth, but since I’m doing the exact opposite of giving birth, that makes sense.

Wait, what would the exact opposite of giving birth be? I was just thinking it would be not giving birth, but I suppose it could mean murder. I’m not doing that, for the record. You hear that, American police, Italian police, FBI, INTERPOL, SPECTRE? I’m NOT murdering anyone. But I may kill myself slowly with wine and lots and LOTS of carbs.

IN 35 DAYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Author: beth

I'm told that I'm cleverly stupid, and that's why people are friends with me. And here I thought it was because I was so dang cute...

8 thoughts on “How soon is too soon?”

    1. Haha…not even close, but I fully intend to eat more cannolis there than my normal burrito intake here. And that’s saying something.

    1. Marieke,
      Yes, absolutely. Chipotle? Let’s make it happen.

      Amaris,
      I seriously considered the baby widget, as there are SEVERAL, but then I decided that was too creepy, and this from the woman who would still seriously consider posting weekly non-pregnancy belly shots on her blog. Hey! Maybe we could document my pasta/cannoli weight gain!

  1. and from the never-been-pregnant woman who not only bought but seriously considered keeping and wearing a nursing bra…

    this is quite the theme you’ve got going, buddy.

    1. And this pattern from a woman whose biological clock hasn’t really begun to tick yet in earnest.

      Dear men-who-may-be-interested-in-me-but-are-afraid-of-commitment-and-babies,

      I AM NOT YET READY TO BEAR A CHILD. Ask me to dinner.

      love,
      Beth

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