Helping the Googlers

So I’ve told y’all before about how I have Google Analytics, and how freaky-awesome it is that I can see some of the stuff I can see. For example, I know that in the past month, someone in New York Googled “Matt Hagaman” and spent a minute and 48 seconds here. Freaky. I love it. What up, New York!

Well, I got an email from Emily Furr Hogan the other day telling me that she got real bored one night and just started Googling stuff to see if Onward Hoe! would come up, and many times, it did. Upon doing my own research, however, I discovered that OH! doesn’t come up for several search results pages, so I decided to help out all the Googlers of the world by posting some key keywords right here, right now. That way, when you search for a phrase like “I like the Slanket. I don’t care what the comedy jokes are,” hopefully you’ll get here faster.

So here are some actual search phrases Analytics informs me have been used to find me:

  • beth parent loves matt hagaman always
  • beth parent oh so crazy hoe
  • beth parent wants to marry donald miller
  • matt hagaman, you’re a beautiful man, love beth parent
  • matt hagaman– you’re #1 in my heart, love beth parent
  • onward hoe beth parent do you see this beth? (this one was my favorite)
  • onward hoe beth parent super
  • onward hoe beth parent weird
  • onward hoe dirty words
  • onward hoe freaky
  • onward hoe sexy
  • “nursing bra” “fitting room”
  • black bunny hoe
  • hoe can i leran to speak italiano
  • this is why we can’t have nice things
  • wow wow woopsie games

There. Now, if anyone comes looking for those again, hopefully they’ll get here faster even though I’m pretty certain some of them were looking for a website with drastically different content from what I provide here.

And now some keywords I hope one day might drive traffic to the site (and perhaps spark events that will become the content of future posts):

  • beth parent will you marry me? love, Don
  • publish 10th book
  • job as SNL writer
  • my eye finally stopped twitching
  • received my check for $10 million, billion, gazillion
  • black bunny hoe

Author: beth

I'm told that I'm cleverly stupid, and that's why people are friends with me. And here I thought it was because I was so dang cute...

4 thoughts on “Helping the Googlers”

  1. Just googled “received my check for $10 million, billion, gazillion” and low and behold– your site was at the top of the list. VICTORY!

  2. Ahhh yes, I’m with Emily. The idea of pregnant women googling to find places that sell nursing bras and have fitting rooms… and then ending up at OnwardHoe to read your story of mistakenly buying one–COMEDYYYYY!

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