I had never heard of Haywire until going to see it was suggested as a possible activity for last night, so I watched the trailer. And while skeptical because it starred Channing Tatum, I thought it had potential. I thought it would be like the girl version of a Bourne movie. Rock on! Girls kicking ass! Feminism!
But y’all. It sucked. It was so bad. I like action movies in general, but this was the most boring action movie I’ve ever seen. In trying to be positive, Will described it as being “matter of fact.” Hello, bad guy. We fight now. I win. You die. But I just thought it was terrible. The dialogue was dry and flatly delivered, none of the characters were likable or interesting, and the way the story was told was confusing, but not compelling enough to make you want to figure it out. And in the end, the story really wasn’t that complicated or unpredictable. It was just told in a very odd way. It was like they were trying REALLY hard to make it thrilling and twisty and intellectual, but I was just distracted the whole time by how hard they’d worked to make the main girl look pretty.
And it’s not that she wasn’t pretty. She definitely was. But she was unrealistically put-together at all times. The whole story is supposed to have taken place in just over a week, and in that time, while traveling to at least four cities in three different countries, killing bad guys, fighting for her life and trying to clear her name, she finds time to get a stylish new haircut and then have that haircut braided in cornrows? Please. What, did she have somebody do it on the plane?
Save your money on this one, y’all. Go see The Muppets again if you must go to the movies. It’s totally worth it. Or come over to my place, and we’ll watch an old Bond movie. They’re cheesy, but they’re entertaining.