Farm Fest 2007

Posted by beth on June 19, 2007

Well crap. I was all excited to tell y’all this story until just now when I realized that this morning, I accidentally sent an email to one Cutie Von Hottenstein without deleting the “signature” off of the bottom. The signature, that is, which advertises this blog, on which I have repeatedly referred to him at Cutie Von Hottenstein. Oh screw it all. If you’re reading this, CVH, let’s just get it out of the way. I think you’re cute. Unbelievably cute. Ask me to dinner.

Ok, so as I mentioned before, I was invited to a party, which took place this past Saturday on the farm of CVH. It was a birthday party for two of his friends, neither of whom I knew before Saturday night. I decided it best to take a friend along with me, because, as an intelligent single woman, I’m not about to trot out to a farm party, where I’m not going to know anyone, alone. I don’t care how hot you are. It could be dangerous. So VA went with me, and I’m extremely glad she did, not because it was dangerous or shady in any way, but because I have a witness that all of the things I’m about to tell you actually did take place without exaggeration or embellishment of any sort.

We arrived at the farm house around 7:00 p.m. and were greeted by CVH himself. Then we went inside to give ourselves the tour, where we were greeted again by a very excited three-year-old named Kyle, who hugged my leg. In the bedroom, mounted on the wall, there is a skeleton of what appears to be some sort of canine, and in the mouth of the skeleton, there is a Pound Puppy. In the formal dining room, there is a pool table. In the living room, there is a camera on a tripod and a framed picture of Lionel Richie. The kitchen is just a normal kitchen (in a fully-stocked bar sort of way) despite some very unfortunate wallpaper.

So far, it’s just your standard party. Burgers are grilling. Drinks, chips and condiments are on a table. People are hanging out, playing volleyball, etc. Then the margaritas were made, and I didn’t actually see the blender, but it was outside, and it sounded exactly like a lawn mower. I mean the thing must have had a pull-cord to get it started. VA said the margarita was tasty, though, so you know…whatever. I had a mojito made with fresh mint from the garden. It was also quite tasty.

After a while, we found out what the camera was for. And here’s where the Lionel Richie picture comes in. In the photo, Lionel is striking a pose that involves a jazz hand and a very conspicuous bulge in his pants. He’s turned to the side with one leg stuck out. He’s kind of leaning back a little and looking over his shoulder at you. Well, on the coffee table, there is a photo album full of people striking the Lionel Richie pose, complete with pants bulge, and throughout the course of the evening, everyone was required to make a similar Lionel picture. I thought this was hilarious and posed readily, but VA refused to do it, saying that she might one day run for public office. There were others who refused at first but later gave in. VA’s a strong woman, though. She never caved.

We started getting tired, and I thought it might be about time to go, but I’m glad that we stayed for what happened next. VA and I were sitting on the porch swing when around the side of the house came CVH carrying under his arm…(Are you ready?…Wait for it…)…a live rooster. I’m not sure if someone had requested that he bring out the chicken, or if he did it of his own volition, but after that, I decided nothing could possibly surprise me anymore. Then the fireworks came out. A field was partially ignited and had to be stomped out. The birthday boy juggled flaming sticks. There was some fire breathing. It wouldn’t have shocked me in the least if someone had eaten fire, but I’m glad they didn’t.

We left not too long after that and went over to SoHoe to hang out with Jill, Jessica and Sara B for a while. I’m told we were there for the real excitement and only missed some entertaining tent-setting-up. All-in-all, this was probably the weirdest party I’ve ever been to in my life, but I have to say that I had an absolute blast, and I hope that he invites me over again soon to make…I mean hang out (I keed, I keed. Y’all know I’m all talk).