even though I feel bad, I shan’t apologize

Posted by beth on November 10, 2008

I don’t want every post to start out with an apology. I don’t even want some of them to start that way, come to think of it. I just want us to enjoy each other, so when I fail to post anything for a week, I’m not going to start out by apologizing when I come back. I’m just going to say that I missed you, and I hope you missed me, and we have SO much to talk about, and oh my this soup’s delicious!!

For starters, let me explain something to you that seems to have caused some confusion and worry among my faithful Twitter followers. My roommates and I are…silly comic genius. We have, without planning or even trying really, developed some “characters” that show up periodically in our conversations.

There’s “Unfortunate Prayer Voice,” who really needs a better name. She started when Whitney was mocking me one day in a bizarre voice that sounds absolutely nothing like any human being I’ve ever heard before. I protested, saying that the voice was in no way evocative of my own, and was therefore prohibited for use in mockery of me. If you want to make fun of me by imitation, you can do a ridiculous song and dance, you can giggle when you’re about to tell an amusing anecdote, or you can make a story about ten minutes longer than necessary. But at least use a human voice.

Then there’s “Crazy Prospector,” and I’m not really sure where he came from. I think he started out only as a voice that Lauren used when inquiring after the whereabouts of Whitney. He may be kin to Clucky, the Cluckin’ Chicken.

And finally, there’s “the Conscientious Thug.” Again, I’m not sure where this guy came from, but we believe him to be a cross between “Prison Mike” and Mr. T, and he’s exactly what his name implies – a super-nice guy who always puts others ahead of himself, and who also happens to be a thug. Well, Lauren and I had taken Dooley out the other night, and whilst we were in the yard (we just walked him to the mailbox and back), Whitney tried to call both of us. When we didn’t answer, she became alarmed. Luckily, when we came back inside, I returned her call and assuaged her fears. But upon her arrival at home, Whitney had a message for us from the Conscientious Thug. He said, “It was nice of you to take your roommate’s dog out, but you should always take your cell phone with you for safety just in case you run into someone like me.” That’s sound advice. Thanks, Conscientious Thug.

Next up…Why Being Always a Bridesmaid and Never a Bride Is Actually WAY BETTER!