I don’t know how life works, really. I don’t know how you go from one phase into another, I don’t know how you raise kids, I don’t know how relationships are formed, grown, lost, rekindled, etc., and I don’t have a clue in the world what I’m doing most of the time. I just get up every day and tell myself to get in the shower. Then I make a mental note to call the rental office later and tell them my tub is stopped up again. Then I choose clothes to put on, sometimes with greater effort than other times. Then I put my makeup on the same way I’ve done it for the last fifteen years and try to do something with my hair that I don’t find boring even though I know that no one else in the world ever finds my hair boring. I do what I have predetermined that I will do each day, and if I haven’t predetermined anything, I’ll probably spend the day watching Bones on Netflix.
I don’t know how to date or get married or find out what goes on in the minds of men or really even how to love people well at all, and I know I screw it up on a daily basis, but I’m thankful for the grace my friends and family have shown me over the years as I’ve begun to at least want to figure it out. I don’t know how to proceed from here, but that’s ok because I’m thankful for my family and friends who are willing to walk with me even as I wander in circles. I don’t know where I’ll end up or how I’ll get there, but I’m thankful for companions along the journey.
There’s so much I don’t know. So much. And the learning curve of my life right now feels so steep. But I can’t help feeling thankful for all the people in my life who love me so completely, and I just want to encourage all of you just in case you feel clueless like me. You’re doing fine. Keep up the good work. And thank you.
My brain is not firing on all cylinders these days, so I apologize for the vagueness of this post. I don’t have complete, coherent thoughts or lessons learned or decisions made to share with you. This is where I am, so this is what you get. Thanks for loving me anyway.