Census: The Penultimate Countdown

Wow. My month of employment with the 2010 Census is almost over. Tomorrow is my next to last day, and honestly, y’all, I’m kind of sad. I mean the Census and I have had some good times sitting around for the last month. I feel like I just got all the numbers memorized that I have to write on my time sheets, and now I may as well clean out that wrinkle in my brain to make room for the lyrics to Lady Gaga’s next hit. Dag.

I wish I had a video montage or slide show of my time there set to Sarah McLachlan’s “I Will Remember You” to play for you. Here’s how it would go (start the video, enjoy Sarah’s face at 0:11, and then read [reeeaaalllly sllllooooowwwwwlllyyy] through the list while you listen):

  • Test day: Staring blankly at the test administrator.
  • Test day: Cheesy grinning, pointing at the post-it note with my score (28/28 – 100%)
  • A calendar flipping three months over to show how long it took for them to hire me after I took the test.
  • Training day: Taking the oath of office.
  • Training day: Getting fingerprinted.
  • Training day: Me and Al eating granola bars.
  • First day at my site, setting up my table, hanging my banner.
  • Showing off my ID badge and giving a thumbs-up.
  • Filling out paperwork with a goofy grin on my face.
  • Talking to after-school program kids.
  • Reading a book.
  • Typing on my computer.
  • Writing poetry to my Census office supplies.
  • Standing outside, talking on the phone.
  • G-chatting on my phone.
  • Schlepping up the hill with my bag-o-Census-goodies.
  • Asleep on my arm at my table.
  • Helping my roommate do her taxes.
  • Helping a kid count change for the vending machine.
  • Explaining to a kid that two dimes and a nickel are not a quarter, although they are worth the same amount of money.
  • Reading a different book.
  • Putting away my supplies.
  • Schlepping back down the hill…into the sunset.

And then, as the song comes to a close, imagine the screen goes blank, and then the words “We all count” fade in to finish us off. Good times. Good times indeed. And a single tear falls to the floor.

Author: beth

I'm told that I'm cleverly stupid, and that's why people are friends with me. And here I thought it was because I was so dang cute...

2 thoughts on “Census: The Penultimate Countdown”

  1. Beth. I read this post while, of course, listening to Sarah McLachlan and also while eating my Kellogg’s frosted mini wheats. Sarah McLachlan: good idea. Mini wheats: bad idea. I nearly choked on them several times because I was laughing too hard. Your pseudo-montage was simply priceless. 😀

  2. You do realize that the federal government now has your fingerprints in their database, right? You’ll never be able to commit a crime again without wearing gloves. I came to this realization at the tender age of 22 when they fingerprinted me for my first clearance. Fortunately, glove technology has come a long way, so it’s no longer so cumbersome to climb walls, pick locks, and rifle through papers while wearing gloves…

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