Y’all, there are so many thoughts in my head right now, I feel like I’m going to short-circuit. Thoughts of life and death, of Life and Death, thoughts of friendship and beauty, laughter and tears, compassion and care, thoughts of duties and errands, thoughts of the future, thoughts of marriage, commitment and sacrifice, passion and calling, gratitude and selfishness, courage, foolishness, mistletoe, prudence, caution, throwing caution to the wind, hospitality, hedonism, self-control, service and love.

But the greatest of these is love. May I walk in love daily, never forgetting where it comes from or who it tells me I am, and never backing down from what it requires of me.

I don’t know how life works, really. I don’t know how you go from one phase into another, I don’t know how you raise kids, I don’t know how relationships are formed, grown, lost, rekindled, etc., and I don’t have a clue in the world what I’m doing most of the time. I just get up every day and tell myself to get in the shower. Then I make a mental note to call the rental office later and tell them my tub is stopped up again. Then I choose clothes to put on, sometimes with greater effort than other times. Then I put my makeup on the same way I’ve done it for the last fifteen years and try to do something with my hair that I don’t find boring even though I know that no one else in the world ever finds my hair boring. I do what I have predetermined that I will do each day, and if I haven’t predetermined anything, I’ll probably spend the day watching Bones on Netflix.

I don’t know how to date or get married or find out what goes on in the minds of men or really even how to love people well at all, and I know I screw it up on a daily basis, but I’m thankful for the grace my friends and family have shown me over the years as I’ve begun to at least want to figure it out. I don’t know how to proceed from here, but that’s ok because I’m thankful for my family and friends who are willing to walk with me even as I wander in circles. I don’t know where I’ll end up or how I’ll get there, but I’m thankful for companions along the journey.

There’s so much I don’t know. So much. And the learning curve of my life right now feels so steep. But I can’t help feeling thankful for all the people in my life who love me so completely, and I just want to encourage all of you just in case you feel clueless like me. You’re doing fine. Keep up the good work. And thank you.

My brain is not firing on all cylinders these days, so I apologize for the vagueness of this post. I don’t have complete, coherent thoughts or lessons learned or decisions made to share with you. This is where I am, so this is what you get. Thanks for loving me anyway.

Y’all. I feel like tired that got tired, fell asleep, and woke up still tired. This week has been so utterly exhausting, I cannot explain it in words that currently exist in the lexicon. We’ve been going non-stop since Saturday morning, learning everything we can about World Team, church planting, discipleship, evangelizing, leadership and multiplication. And that only got us through Monday morning. For the rest of Monday and Tuesday, we were being assessed in smaller groups while we worked on tasks they gave us wherein we had to use everything we’d learned and some things we hadn’t. Then today, we each had at least two interviews that took 45 minutes to an hour apiece while simultaneously putting together a massive project with our groups. At the end of the day, it was all I could do to drive back to my host home and get in the bed. I didn’t sleep, but I rested my eyes (literally, turns out that’s really a thing) for an hour, and it was glorious. Then we went out for Philly cheese-steak. Well, I had Philly cheese-veggies, and oh my gosh it was amazing! The bread, y’all. It’s all about the bread.

So I think tomorrow is when we find out if they want us. I think. I’ve left my schedule in the car, but I think it’s tomorrow because after we find out, we still need more time to talk about our next steps. So that makes sense. Which is weird because I don’t think kindergarten math would make sense to me right now.

I said yesterday that if you ever decide you want to know everything about yourself that you never wanted to know or thought to ask, this is the place to do it. It’s crazy hard, but also super awesome, and even though I would love to sleep until 2012 right now, it’s been totally worth it. I’ve been prodded (verbally, nothing weird), challenged, tested, pushed and made to cry several times, but I’ve been more encouraged by these people than anything. Seriously. It’s been exhausting, yet oddly refreshing, and while I have the outcome I’m really hoping for in mind, if it turns out differently, it’ll still have been worth it.

But I’ll need to get a good week’s sleep before I acknowledge that.

I know what you’re thinking. Which way is she going to go with this? Is it going to be about living the dream or Febreeze-ing a giant cockroach? Well, friends, why not both? Heck yes, this is all about having your cake and eating it too. Without any fuzzy bugs distracting you.

But not really. This is really about how I made a to-do list, and I’m doing so well knocking it out, I’ve started adding the things I’m already doing to it just so I can cross them off and feel more productive. Like “blog.” It’s on the list, and I’m doing it. Check me out! I might even add “watch 3 episodes of Bones” to it in a minute. We’ll see. I’m waiting for my laundry to dry (on the list) so I can pack (also on the list) for my out-of-town trip (wink wink). You know the one I mean. Wait. Maybe you don’t. Well, I mentioned in this post that World Team has invited me for a week of assessment, and it’s next week, so I’m leaving tomorrow after work to head up to PA for that.

My lesson plans are done (on the list) , I’ve got road trip snacks already (list), and I even got my oil and my air filter changed (not on the list). And while we’re on that, let’s talk for just a moment about Jiffy Lube, shall we? Do they really need to adjust my seat to drive the car 20 yards through the garage? I mean really? Then it feels all out of whack, and I can’t get it back exactly the way I had it. I would rather throw it in neutral and push it myself.

Ok, the dryer just stopped, so I’m off to fluff-n-fold. I’ll try to give y’all updates next week, but if you’re the praying kind, toss a few up for me over the next 10 days or so, for wisdom, stamina, a buddy to process with while I’m there, safe travel, etc.

Thanks, y’all. Hearts all around.

We’re all moved!! And I don’t think there’s been a day in the past week that I haven’t woken up completely sore from all the lifting and carrying large, heavy things up and down stairs. Who needs the gym? I’m just going to start my own moving company. Stay in shape AND make money! Genius!

Nah. I think I would hate that within a week.

So please come over because as I get things put into place, I like my apartment more and more. Mostly, I think I just like decorating my apartment. Perhaps I missed my calling as an interior decorator. Nah. That would involve decorating for people who have wildly different tastes from mine, and I would want to decorate their homes like I would decorate mine, and they wouldn’t like it, and I would get fired. I should probably just stick with that I’m good at – decorating my own apartment.

How many other occupations can I consider in one blog post? I think I’m done. I’m on limited battery at the ‘Bou, and I have yet to accomplish the task for which I came over here, which was to investigate internet services for the apartment, so I’ma get back to it, but I just wanted to let you know that the moving was completed successfully, and I’m VERY glad that I have a few days off completely to recuperate and put things in order. If you want to help, give me a ring (round cut, sapphire or just phone works too).

Oh man. Between packing and moving and working and professionally developing and stressing out about the last-minute remodeling of both our bathrooms and our consequent inability to move any more things into our apartment until tomorrow, I’m beat. Totally, utterly and thoroughly exhausted. So forgive my absence this past week. I’ve been a tad busy plowing through the first five stages of moving, making the specific decision this go-round to skip the crap multiplication part entirely by also skipping the organized moving part and going directly to the throwing in the towel part. I think it’s working. But I’m still super tired. So off to bed I go.

I have always had sort of a love/suspicion relationship with Google. I think everything they do is awesome, but at the same time, I think they’re getting ready to take over the world, and I’m not sure what kind of ruler they’ll be. So when I heard about Google+, I was once again intrigued, excited and skeptical. It was one of those invitation only kinds of deals, though, and I hadn’t gotten an invitation, so I didn’t really think about joining. And then I got my first invitation. And then my second.

I decided to at least check it out and see what it looked like, and my first impression was that it looked a lot like Facebook. And then I though, “Do I really want to set up a-whole-nother Facebook page?” It just seems like a lot of work at a moment when I don’t really have the time or energy for a lot of work. So here’s the deal.

I have a profile. I don’t know anything about it or what it does, and I’m not going to do a whole lot of exploring yet. I’m going to go to the beach, pack up my house, finish the semester and move, and then I’ll see what fuss is about over this Google+ thing. But in the meantime, what do those of you who are using it think? Will it be the end of Facebook? Is it a million times better? Do you have any tips and/or tricks for a newbie? Do tell.

Well, I’ve deviated slightly from my reading list, but I’m still reading, and today I have two book reviews for you. The first is Celia Rivenbark’s latest, You Can’t Drink All Day if You Don’t Start in the Morning. It’s a combination of humor memoir and cookbook that, frankly, isn’t as good as her other books. Y’all, I laughed until I snorted in Barnes and Noble reading We’re Just Like You Only Prettier, but this one just didn’t have the oomph I wanted. The humorous situations were there, but I don’t know. She just didn’t quite tap deep enough into them. Plus I don’t think I could eat any of the recipes, but it’s not her fault I’m a hippie freak.

I still love this woman and want to be like her when I grow up, but I’m keeping my fingers crossed that You Don’t Sweat Much for a Fat Girl will bring back the absurd hilarity I fell in love with when I discovered her. The title alone gives me hope that I’ll relate to it more, but we’ll see.

I love you, Celia Rivenbark, and I still want to have drinks with you the next time I’m in town, but I’m giving this book one star (Y’all might give it more if you love the recipes, but most of them are meaty, so…). *

The next book up for review is John Grisham’s A Time to Kill. I picked it up because I was thinking about reading it with my class. They voted for another book instead, and I really think they’re missing out.  A Time to Kill is, quite simply, great. The story is compelling, the characters are well-defined, the subject matter is thought-provoking, and if you haven’t seen the movie, it will keep you in suspense until the very end. If you have seen the movie, you might be distracted by the characters as they were portrayed on film, but that is not the book’s fault.

My only criticism, really, is that I felt like Grisham dumbed down the plot and the character development by repeating details so much when what he really needed was just fewer characters and scenes. It’s honestly hard to keep up with everyone, and I found myself at times wishing I’d started a cast list to keep them all straight. I didn’t need Harry Rex at all or half the police officers. And I could have done without the pimp lawyer who never comes to even meet Carl Lee. I didn’t think he moved the plot along at all, and cutting him out would have cut out a decent chunk of the story, which might have made it unnecessary to repeat details to remind the reader of so much.

All in all, though, I thought it was a great read, and I am giving A Time to Kill by John Grisham four out of five stars. ****

I woke up this morning, and my first thought was, Am I trapped in some weird adult Narnia where the Work Witch has made it to be always the work week and never Friday? Seriously, why is it that the last week before vacation feels like a whole year? It reminds me of that scene in The Jerk when Steve Martin is telling his sleeping girlfriend how it feels like they’ve known each other for longer than they actually have. He goes through it day by day, telling her how the first day felt like a week and the second day seemed like five days. Oh forget it. Here it is:

I know we’ve only known each other four weeks and three days, but to me it seems like nine weeks and five days. The first day seemed like a week and the second day seemed like five days. And the third day seemed like a week again and the fourth day seemed like eight days. And the fifth day you went to see your mother and that seemed just like a day, and then you came back and later on the sixth day, in the evening, when we saw each other, that started seeming like two days, so in the evening it seemed like two days spilling over into the next day and that started seeming like four days, so at the end of the sixth day on into the seventh day, it seemed like a total of five days. And the sixth day seemed like a week and a half. I have it written down, but I can show it to you tomorrow if you want to see it.

Only for me, it has felt like each day just dragged on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on.

But tomorrow is Friday, friends! And it’s going to be a good one. Just seven more hours of work until I can hit the road! I should probably pack.

I bought Adele’s first album, 19, two years ago because a friend’s G-chat status said, “Buy Adele’s new album.” And friends, I am so glad that I did. I love her. She’s soulful, creative, gut-wrenching at times and overall just extremely, extremely talented. So when I heard she had a new record coming out (21), I couldn’t have been more excited. I saved up my loose change so I could take it to the CoinStar and get an iTunes credit. I admit that I later found a way to get it for free, and I used my iTunes change on soft rock ballads, but that’s beside the point.

I’ve had 21 on repeat in my car for two solid weeks now, and it’s not getting old. Literally, the only negative is that my teaching voice is overly tired because I’ve been singing at the top of my lungs all the way to and from class. No lie. It’s like Janis Joplin, Mary J. Blige, the Dixie Chicks and Dusty Springfield all joined a gospel choir and then had the most epic jam session EVER (including a full orchestra when necessary), resulting in the songs we are privileged to listen to on 21.

Usually, I have to listen to an album at least once or twice just to get used to hearing songs I’ve never heard before. In those first few listenings, there may be one or two songs that immediately grab me, but the others generally take time to grow on me. Not so with this album. The first time I played the first song, I loved it. And then the second song came on, and I loved it too, and so on the whole way through the album. Oh sure, I have my favorites now – the ones I could listen to on repeat until the CD wears out – but seriously, they’re all good.

Here’s a sample for you. “Rolling in the Deep” is the first track, and if you don’t totally love it before about the 2:31 mark, then the stomp/clapping should put you over the edge. If you’re still not sold, check out “One and Only,” and if that one doesn’t get you, I don’t know how we’re friends.