“You work too much,” said my student.

I had a dream the other night that I walked into my class to find all these students who didn’t belong there. This is the second time I’ve had such a dream. In the first one, there were about 30 students in there, half of whom were deaf and had an interpreter. In this one, they just didn’t belong there. One man had his son with him, and the son kept answering all the questions, and I kept telling him that his son was not allowed to be there, but they never left. There was also a Russian man named Mikhail who was in level 2 at my old site. I had his info card, which showed his test scores, and when Dan stopped by the room, I kept pointing to his oral test score and shouting, “LOOK AT HIS SCORES!! LOOK AT HIS SCORES!! HE DOESN’T BELONG HERE!” Finally, Dan agreed to take him out, and as they were leaving, I woke up.

I told my students about this dream the next day, and they all agreed that I was stressed out about class, and that I worked too much. Maybe they’ll give me a vacation next Friday and the following Monday. I’ll keep my fingers crossed.

So, in response to all of this, I’m going to do a lesson either tomorrow or Friday (depending on when we finish with what we’re doing now) on dreams and dream interpretation. I just have to find some reading materials for them. Onward, Hoe!

one more dawn…one more day…

ONE!! DAY!! MOOOOOOOOOOOORE!!! Sorry. That was just a little Les Miserables reference for all you musical geeks out there. Oh, and it’s Bethday tomorrow. Hug me.

I keep wanting to post some insightful, poignant musing about growing older and everything I’ve learned over the past year, but nothing’s coming out. Maybe tomorrow. For now, let’s just do a recap of fun things that have happened since I’ve been 27. It’s been quite a year, I tell ya. I have:

• literally walked at least 100 miles
• mapped out plans for at least three different stage musicals
• given animals a break from my intestines
• given my intestines a break from animals
• gone out on dates (and/or informational meetings) with more guys than any of my previous years (maybe all my previous years combined…it’s sad, really)
• had some INSANE dreams
• learned to pole dance
• gone on yet another extremely last minute trip to NYC
• spent New Year’s there…again
• taken on more than I thought I could handle, and survived
• watched people have more than any person should have to handle thrust upon them, and survive
• retired the letter jacket (mostly)
• taken a lot of chances
• written a lot…A LOT
• attended a VERY eventful farm party in Holly Springs
• hosted many a film/food event
• planned out film/food events through this time next year
• hosted a Rockin’ Roller Romp (which we need to do again SOON)
• gone to…hang on, let me count…like a bazillion weddings
• spent Independence Day in our nation’s capital
• seen license plates from EVERY STATE here in the Triangle
• discovered Flight of the Conchords, which changed my life
• come up with TWO book ideas
• raised over $2000 for breast cancer research, educational programs and aid (and still going…give here)
• helped the dirtydish to go monthly!!
• watched as the dirtydish died a slow, atrophying death
• begun working in earnest to bring dirtydish back!!
• got fake-engaged
• got the most incredible blisters EVER
• decided to do the thing that got me those blisters again, like the crazy person I am
• coined the term “anyhoe”

Wow. Seriously, I’ve been busy. If you’d like to share any other memorable moments from the past year, feel free. Let’s take a stroll down memory lane, shall we? That would make me so happy…especially if you won’t be available to hug me tomorrow. Or even if you will. LOVE!

*Special thanks to Whitney for helping me remember all of these things. For your entertainment, the first six things she listed were:

1. you became vegan

2. and then you stopped eating all animal product foods

3. and then you didn’t eat cheese anymore

4. and then you went totally off chicken–like cold turkey… or cold tofurkey

5. and you also stay away from milk now

6. and you no longer eat the things you used to
   

Thanks, buddy.

Onward ho(e), blogosphere!

When I awoke this morning, I had at least three things in my head that I wanted to blog about, and now I can’t remember for the life of me what they all were. I only remember the ones that DLF chastised me about the other day.

So as we all know, I am receiving “Self” magazine rather mysteriously. And while I had some rather criticizing things to say about that one article, the magazine did also have some redeeming qualities. There were some vegan smoothie recipes, for example, that looked quite tasty. I will let you know if I ever get around to going to the store for the ingredients to make them.

So to whoever has bestowed this gift upon me, thanks. I’m extremely curious as to who you are, and I wish that I had this information so that I could thank you properly. DLF thinks that Cutie von Hottenstein (pronounced “shtine” or /shtain/ for the phonetically inclined) is the culprit, but I say that’s madness. And also weirdness. Seriously, that doesn’t make any sense. But neither does he, really, so…

Anyhoe, moving on. My church’s weekly email this week was closed with, “Onward ho, Raleigh.” Yeah!! That’s what I‘m talking ’bout. When The Weekly Email reads your blog, you know you’ve made it!

Aaaaaaaaand…going to a chick flick with my roommate! Ta-ta!

ok fine…one more

And as soon as I’m finished with this one, I’m going to bed. Promise.

Ok so, for Christmas, I gave my sisters tickets to see The 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee with me in Raleigh, and neither of them was very enthused at first. But it was only because they didn’t know anything about it, and we went Thursday night, and I think they both really liked it. I know I did. Of course I’d seen it before, so I already knew it was fabulous. It might look cheesy or perhaps cute or maybe even stupid, but let me assure you - It’s fabulous. And how could it not be with lines such as the following?

• “And I live in a house where there’s an over-sized dictionary that I read as a girl on the toilet.”
• “Unlike idiots, we ideate.”
• “And I wrap my head around the fact that in one book is the entire language of our species, which is a favorite term of Nietzsche’s…who’s the great-grandfather of Christina Ricci’s.”
• “I like my hair. Really, it is pleasant to the touch. I toss my hair a bit too much. It doesn’t move. It simply sits. I make a part. I’m not that smart.”
• “My unfortunate erection is destroying my perfection.”

Go see it if you ever get the chance. You’ll not regret it. Good night.

good news/bad news

First, the bad. I woke up this morning in my own bed, and I had no idea where I was. I don’t know what that says about anything, but I remember thinking, This is my bed. This is home. I should know where I am when I’m home. But I didn’t. It took me several minutes to figure it out.

However, I woke up from a very hopeful dream. It started out kind of stressful, but then I realized it was actually pretty great. I don’t know how or why, but I was at an ESL site, and it was the first day of class. The dream opened with me walking into a classroom full of students, and one of the supervisors was also there, sitting at a desk. The students greeted me enthusiastically, but the supervisor and I just looked at each other, confused. Apparently I’d gone that day because I couldn’t remember whether I was supposed to sub for the teacher of that class or not. I didn’t think I was supposed to, but I figured I’d just check just in case. Then I realized that it was Thursday, and classes don’t start until Monday of next week, so then I was really confused as to why anyone was there at all. And the supervisor didn’t know if I was supposed to sub either. It was like she’d been tranquilized, like in the end of The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, when they’re sitting around the table eating the big feast, and they’re all doped up like they’re on laughing gas. That’s what the supervisor was like.

Anyhoe, I realized that if anything were going to get done that day, I was the one who would have to do it, so I decided to go down to the office and see if the teacher had left any lesson plans. But when I got to the office, everything had been moved, and Sally Struthers was in there setting up to teach a piano lesson.  She had redecorated the place, and it was full of plants, cheap fabrics, lots of gold and very soft lighting. I left immediately.

On the way back to the classroom, I thought up a lesson, and it wasn’t just a good lesson for a weird dream. It was a good lesson for real life, and since I need to do some lesson planning for my classes (which really do start on Monday), I’m totally using it.

Do you realize what this means? I am now literally planning lessons in my sleep!! This is revolutionary! Not very reliable, but revolutionary nonetheless. (P.S. I imagine nonetheless was originally three separate words that have now been smooshed into one acceptable English word. It weirds me out every time I type it, though.)

good one

I dreamed that I was in WILKESBORO!!!!!, and I was riding around Westwood Hills (a large subdivision, home to many friends growing up) on a bike, which is quite difficult because Westwood Hills is very hilly. Hence the name.  Anyhoe, as I was riding around on my bike, I happened upon a party hosted by one Matt Hagaman, who apparently bought a house in Westwood Hills within the last few years. Everyone was outside having a grand time, and there was some dancing going on. I propped my bike up against a wall somewhere and joined in. Matt Hagaman, by the way, had grown at least six inches, put on roughly 100 pounds and morphed into a very different looking sort of creature. He was a human man, to be sure, but he didn’t look like himself at all. He actually looked kind of like a guy I work with, who doesn’t look anything at all like Matt Hagaman. Not one bit. But I knew it was him, and he asked me to dance, and knowing it was him, I gladly accepted.

So we get out on the “dance floor,” which is just a roped-off part of the lawn, and the song is kind of slow. It’s not “Unchained Melody” slow, but more like “Just the Way You Are” speed. I guess we’ll call it moderate. But the fool gets out there and starts trying to dance with me as though “Jump Jive and Wail” is playing, and I’m all, “Dude, calm down. It’s a slow jam.” But he’s all awkward with girls all of a sudden, and he’s nervous and uncoordinated, and he winds up just going to bed while an awesome dance party breaks out in his yard. Tragic. Just tragic.

Von Hottenstein Holiday

I dreamed last night that I was doing an Avon Walk in the city where Cutie Von Hottenstein’s parents lived, and he had therefore invited me to stay there with them. So I go to their house, and it’s not so much a house as a villa. It had two separate wings conjoined by an airy little breezeway. I only saw the living room and the kitchen of one wing, though, as I was staying in the other. And I don’t know if I hadn’t completely confirmed with him that I was coming or if I went early or what, but he wasn’t really expecting me when I showed up, and there was a (indoor) pool party going on. So I walked in, and from across the room, I thought I saw him, and I started walking his way, but it turned out that it wasn’t him (stupid bad eyesight), but his hot brother.

Well, Hot Brother started chatting me up, and as we were talking, I noticed that a good friend of mine from college was in the pool. I wanted to talk to her because I hadn’t seen her in ages, but there were so many people that I couldn’t really get over to her. Hot Brother was still all about talking to me, and I was completely indifferent to the fact that he was really into me because I hadn’t come there for him, and I wanted to talk to my friend. So I’m all trying to climb up on this concrete wall to get over to the other side of the pool, only the wall was really high, and I was having trouble hoisting my leg up on it, so while Hot Brother is chatting away, he’s also trying to help me by pushing my leg up on top of the wall.

With great difficulty, I managed to scurry across to the other side, where, magically, Hot Brother is there waiting (not sure how he got there). But by the time I’d gotten across to the other side, my college friend was gone back to the side where I’d started! So I just decided I’d have to catch her later.

Then I met Mom Von Hottenstein, whose latest interest was watching some cheesy movie. Repeatedly. I hadn’t seen it, so I watched it as well, fell in love with it, and watched it at least six more times through the course of the dream. Mom was also very concerned about my intentions with her boys, and she interrogated me thoroughly for some time and, I think, came to the conclusion that she wanted me to have her grandchildren.

Dad Von Hottenstein was sick the whole time and never moved off of the sofa in the east wing.

There was also a shower scene in which the curtain wouldn’t stay closed, but it didn’t matter because I was wearing a bathing suit. Good thing, too, because there was someone sitting right outside the shower playing video games. And someone else kept coming in to borrow shampoo or something for another shower elsewhere.

And no, I didn’t eat anything right before going to bed.

keeping the dream alive sans dairy

Oh friends, last night I dreamed that I had detention. Now, detention was held in what seemed to be a summer camp arts-and-crafts cabin, and there was no real reason for me to go, but I kept going anyway because Matt Hagaman also had detention. And now that I think about it, we are the same age, so there’s no reason for him to have had to go either. He must have wanted to see me too. Anyhoe, I was making vegan pizza in detention when some girl came in talking about how she was going to eat it, but when she found out it was vegan, she turned her nose up at it and walked away. I then walked past the table of GED students to the doorway where Matt Hagaman was eating rice and beans and smoking (eww), but the smoke didn’t smell at all, so I sat down and started eating his rice and beans too.

Then, suddenly, I was in a meeting of some sort, and I didn’t know most of the people there, but the meeting was being led by my old youth minister, Roy, and Whitney was sitting beside me dressed in a bear costume.  The conversation at the meeting turned to the Avon Walk, and as I was telling people about it, I found that I was actually at the Avon Walk. I had finished the first day, and I felt great! My feet didn’t hurt, my knee didn’t hurt, my legs were fine. I wasn’t even all that tired! I think it was prophetic.

good-bye Zimmerman Limmermacht

I’ve just realized the saddest part of all about being vegan. Aside from the facts that I can no longer enjoy the ooey-gooey goodness of cheese, and I’m destined to live a life a gaseous chastity, the string cheese I was eating before bed was what was causing me to have all those insane dreams!! What ever shall I blog about? The solution is really very simple. I just need to find something else that will induce such nocturnal chimeras as Zimmerman Limmermacht. Hmmm…

I know! Malaria pills! Those things’ll give you some crazy dreams! I wonder if they’re vegan…

it’s all a little fuzzy, but…

I think I had a dream last night featuring Emilio Estevez as a chiropractor. That’s all I really remember of it, but yeah. Weird.