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    Hi. I'm Beth. I'm a Hoe. Onward!
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    an open letter to my little silk pillow

    Sunday, September 14th, 2008

    Dear Little, Round, Mustard-Colored Pillow,
    For the record, I think you are the cutest pillow I have ever seen. I love you more than my other throw pillows, and I’m not ashamed to say it. I do not understand, therefore, why your self-esteem is so low that you are constantly jumping onto the floor. It’s dirty […]

    from the best of cragislist

    Friday, September 12th, 2008

    This is just amazing. I mean, it’s not like the man being addressed will ever read this. I somehow just don’t get the impression that he spends a lot of time on craigslist, but who knows? I could be totally wrong.
    I should write more open letters. I like them. Where should I start? I’ve already […]

    just one more thing before I go to bed

    Wednesday, September 10th, 2008

    While we’re on the topic of all things white-trashy, your thoughts?

    time for some reader input

    Wednesday, September 10th, 2008

    I’m thinking about getting a tattoo, so I’ve been looking around for some inspiration. I’m considering a few of these, but I don’t want to say which ones so as not to bias your feedback. What do you think? Which one should I go with?

    good for airplanes, my church, the Arctic, etc.

    Sunday, September 7th, 2008

    My boyfriend recommended some books for me to read, and since I value his every thought like the precious drops of heavenly wisdom that they are, and since I’ve been wanting one of them for a long time, I decided to hit up Barnes and Noble after church today and pick up a couple of […]

    just in case you were thinking of becoming a craig’s list entrepreneur

    Tuesday, September 2nd, 2008

    You cannot sell blood, bodily fluids or body parts on craigslist.org. However, you can give away pretty much anything you want - single car seats (like the actual seats from the car, not kids’ seats), staplers, cages, dirt, beds, and this one found by Emily’s husband, Matt:
    WANTED: SCRABBLE® Tile “R” (Union Station)
     
    NOTE: Tile must be burgundy in color.
    Willing to […]

    this is a weird one

    Thursday, August 28th, 2008

    I’m pretty sure this is the reason I woke up with my bedsheets all atangle. I had a very bizarre dream wherein I was being vehemently pursued. I would call it chased because that’s what it felt like, but the pursuit was in no way malicious. It was just scary. But perhaps I should start […]

    lolpanda is influencing my subconscious

    Wednesday, August 27th, 2008

    I had a dream about a panda that had human legs. But not just human legs - long, sexy woman legs. The panda might have even been wearing heels, but I don’t really remember. I just remember thinking So that’s what panda legs look like.

    in preparation for my 10-year reunion

    Friday, August 22nd, 2008

    A VERY special thanks goes to DLF for turning my attention to this. Yearbook Yourself. You can put in a picture of yourself, and it will show you what you likely would have looked like through the years in yearbooks. For example:

    Here I am in 1954. I’m not sure why my glasses have gone askew. […]

    You wish you lived in my house.

    Wednesday, August 20th, 2008

    Whitney: (Upon waking from her 2.5 hour nap) I took a nap, buddy.
    Me: Yeah you did!
    Whitney: Did I snore?
    Me: No. Heavy breathing, yes. I thought I was in a porno.
    Whitney: They don’t sleep in pornos, buddy.
    Me: Well I’ve never seen one. I’ve only heard them when people are watching them on TV or in movies.
    Whitney: […]

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