a voicemail to remember

Posted by beth on February 15, 2008

Let’s just get this out of the way right now. My friends are hilarious. That’s why I keep them. And periodically, someone will leave me a voicemail that makes me laugh so hard that I piddle a little in my britches. I keep these voicemails and listen to them periodically as I feel the need or as my inbox tries to erase them. I wish that I could play them for you via blog, but alas, I’m not that good. So I’ll just have to describe them for you.

4-24-06: Ann and Megan called because JH had sung “Life is a Highway” at church that day for some odd reason. This remains a mystery to me to this day, but as far as I’m concerned, JH can do anything he darn well pleases as long as he’s playing the guitar and looking like he is gaining all the pleasure the world has to offer from it. ANYhoe…this voicemail consists of Ann (really into it) singing “Life is a Highway” while Megan feeds her the words in the background.

4-24-06: Ann called back a few moments later to sing me a slow-jam version of “Life is a Highway” that I’m quite certain she was composing on the spot. It’s incredible.

10-20-06: Emily Furr called to sing our high school alma mater. And every time I listen to it, I sing along whilst waving one finger in the air…the way it’s supposed to be sung.

2-3-07: Following our first and only viewing of the film The Last King of Scotland, Whitney and I decided that we, neither of us, wish to become Ugandan citizens against our will. Whitney later composed a song for our forthcoming musical, Just Now, entitled “I Don’t Want to be Ugandan.” She called me on this fateful day to sing it to me. It’s a haunting song juxtaposing the liberties we enjoy here in the US with the crazy dictatorship depicted in the film. When you hear it, you too will wish never to become Ugandan by force.

3-6-07: This was my birthday (hint, hint, it’s coming up again soon), and my precious mom and dad called to sing “Happy Birthday” to me. They even harmonized.

5-3-07: In anticipation of our trip to Nashville the following weekend, C (of “Since Jews Been Gone” fame) called and left a message as Dolly Parton, inviting me to stay in her mansion. On the message, C, in his best Dolly accent and voice pitch says, “Howdy! This is Dolly Parton. I heard that you were comin’ to Nashville this weekeeeend, and I was gon’ let you know that you could stay in my mansion!” Friends, it is a classic. He sounds SO excited and southern. I love it.

10-12-07: Carrie Kell called and made up some words to the Amy Grant classic, “El Shaddai.”

10-19-07: Andy reminded me of the universal truth that “Everyone’s a Little Bit Racist.”

11-8-07: Whitney sang both the main part AND the “descant/improv” parts to “As Long as Jews Love Me ,” which she finished off with an enthusiastic “baaeebaaay.”

11-19-07: Whitney, to the tune of “Pretty Woman,” created a new diddy, which I can only assume is titled “BIG Woman, Call Me Back Please.” It mentions something about snow peas too. I’m not sure what that has to do with returning a call, but for the record, I like snow peas too. And Whitney’s also a BIG Woman.

12-7-07: Rachel and I have our decided parts in place if we ever star together in a production of “Thoroughly Modern Millie.” I’m Millie, and she is Miss Dorothy. This has more to do with the singing range of the characters than anything else, and she and I often call each other when we feel the need to bust out a duet. On this particular day, she left me a message singing her part in “How the Other Half Lives.” I keep this message saved for those all-too-common moments when I need to sing a duet, but no partners are available. I just play the message and sing my part along with hers. It’s beautiful.

12-14-07: This one throws me off every time It’s Whitney acting like she’s trying to contact me on a walkie-talkie, replete with static and beeping sounds associated with 2-way radio usage.

1-31-08: The Kells called to say, “We don’t know much, but we know we love you, and that may be all we need to know.”

2-8-08: Following a conversation we’d had the night before regarding his London jacket and how I still liked it after all this time, Scott called with an original song (which is not AT ALL unusual for Scott). It’s an ode, really, to his London jacket, and all I remember about it is that it says repeatedly, “London Jacket, you are my friend…’til the end.” And I believe him.

2-14-08: Lauren re-worked my favorite Flight of the Conchords song to make it “Beth You Got it Goin’ On.” Not in a gay way, of course. Just in a “hey mate, I wanted to say that you’re lookin’ ok mate” sort of way.

Keep ‘em comin’ friends! And you too could be saved in my phone for years. YEARS I TELL YOU!! IMMORTALITY! TAKE IT! IT’S YOURS!!!