a shift in propriety

Posted by beth on April 30, 2008

For some time now, the higher-ups at work have been calling me Elizabeth instead of Beth. I thought that maybe one of two things was causing this:

They prefer the name Elizabeth for its formality and professionalism.
They forget that I go by Beth because they generally deal with me on paper more than in person, and on any official documents, I am Elizabeth.

It was suggested to me today, however, that neither of these options truly explain what is happening with my name, but that these people feel that calling me Beth without my permission would assume some inappropriate level of familiarity. And in order for them to feel comfortable calling me Beth, I will need to say to them, “You can call me Beth.” I find this somewhat absurd for a couple of reasons.

First of all, when I introduce myself, I say, “Hi. I’m Beth.” I do not say, “It’s a pleasure to make your acquaintance, Mr. So-and-So. My Christian name is Elizabeth, but you may call me Beth.” Although depending on my mood, I might say something more along the lines of, “Hi, I’m Beth, but you can call me ‘Your Hoeness.’”

I guess the chasm between our senses of propriety comes from a generational gap as well as a different upbringing. And that’s fine with me. I couldn’t have asked for a better family or home environment, and I think that I have a socially acceptable way of relating to strangers, new acquaintances, peers, friends and elders. It’s just more laid-back, which leads me to my second point.

Once I’ve met someone, they’re free to call me whatever they like (within reason), and I feel the same liberty with them. They could even make up a nickname for me, and I’d probably be flattered (as long as it’s a nickname that implies a camaraderie between us and perhaps an intense appreciation of my awesomeness…and isn’t Bethany). The line of inappropriate familiarity, to me, lies somewhere in either intrusive conversation topics or unnecessary touching, both of which I feel are pretty widely known and accepted. So, you know, don’t be all feelin’ me up and asking me about my financial affairs if we’ve just met.

So have I been wrong to call people by the names they’ve given me all these years? When/How did this shift take place? Has anyone else encountered such things? And why was I not informed?

Filed Under: ESL, Family, friends Comments: 5 Comments to Read

DLF said,

I think that unless they hear you say that you go by Beth, it’s understandable. I would never call someone named David “Dave” without knowing that he prefers it, likewise with “Jon/Jonathan”, etc. Unless they hear everyone around you calling you Beth, or hear you say that you prefer it, it’s a matter of being careful about preferences. Issues of propriety and familiarity may have something to do with it, but it also (in my opinion) is just a little safer.
beth said,

Oh, but it is a well-known fact that I go by Beth.
DLF said,

I don’t know then. Perhaps they’re pullin rank on ya.
Will said,

Your name is Beth? I’ve always called you Susan and you never really corrected me… weird.
barnmouse said,

I have almost the exact same problem! People always ask “can I call you —…” and if the name is anything other than what I go by, I say “not if you want me to answer.” Hee! But I think if you introduce yourself as Beth, and then they call you Elizabeth, it’s well within your right to say “um, it’s Beth”. Or you could just start calling them something else!