28 down! 67 to go!

On the radio yesterday morning, they were talking about the things you should do if you want to live to 100. I thought it was interesting, and that I had a pretty decent shot at making it to the triple digits except for maybe one thing. I don’t remember what the one thing was now, though. Oh. Probably exercise. Anyhoe, I was trying to find the list online when I came across The Longevity Game. It’s especially fun if you put in all the worst possible answers and watch what happens to your little “representative.” If you play it, make sure you click all the possible answers just to see what happens before selecting the real answer and moving on. It’s pretty entertaining, and really enlightening to watch the age forecast change with each answer.

And if you did the math, according to the game, I’m going to live to 95, barring all freak accidents, terminal illnesses, etc., of course. I don’t know. On the one hand, I think I should really just slow down and enjoy every little bit of life because I’ve got plenty of time. I don’t need to be rushing from one thing to the next. But on the other hand, I’m almost a third of the way to dead, and I’m thinking I really need to live it up!

Maybe a combination of both is the ticket. Live it up AND enjoy every last second of it. Yes. That sounds nice. So…when can I move to Egypt? Or Turkey? Or the Czech Replublic? Italy, Spain, France or the UK? Brazil, Mexico, Honduras or Ecuador. Maybe even California or Canada would suffice. I’m just ready to go. There’s so much of the world that I want to experience, and I hate that there are so many obstacles to doing it. I’m not quite sure how to get around them all without becoming a total vagrant. Part of me says, “Be responsible with your money so you have something for the future,” while the other part argues, “Screw it. You don’t get to take it with you anyway.”

“But you don’t want to die because you failed to plan,” says Responsibility.

“It’s not dying,” says Free Spirit. “It’s going to be with Jesus for eternity! But before you get there, you may as well have some fun!”

“True, true,” replies Responsibility, “but that somehow just seems…dangerous.”

Feeling she’s getting to the root of the issue, Free Spirit asks, “So this is about fear, then?”

“Well I don’t like to call it that,” defends Responsibility.

“What do you like to call it?” Free Spirit pushes.

“Responsibility, of course.”

“Poppycock,” retorts Free Spirit, spitting inadvertently and not caring. “You’re just chicken.”

“Maybe,” says Responsibility, putting on her best quiet cool, “but either you’re chicken too, or I’m stronger than you, because we haven’t done much in the risk-taking department for quite a while.”

Ladies, ladies, please. Calm down. Was that weird? Maybe just a little? Sorry about that. It’s just the ever-present debate going on inside me. The thing is, I don’t just want to go on an adventure. It’s more than that. I want to do something big with the 67 years I’ve got left (if I’m lucky), something that requires supernatural intervention if it’s going to get done, something more beautiful and magnificent than I could ever dream of. And what I’m doing now - well it doesn’t so much fit into that category.

Don’t get me wrong, I love what I do. I love my students, I love my roommates, I love all of the things I’m involved with here. But apart from my never ending battle with time management, my life here is not a challenge. I want to push myself into complete dependence on God, but I know myself, and I know I can’t will it to happen. I have to place myself in circumstances that will require it. I just need a clear vision of those circumstances, and that’s where I find myself now - in the waiting room.

Any advice, internet?

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