on the purchase and return method of product procurement

Alright. We’ve established that I’m weird, right? Ok then, so sometimes I do things without even realizing that other people don’t do them that way. For example, you go to Target, you see something you like, you buy it, you take it home, you look at it for a few weeks, you decide you don’t like it that much, and you return it. That’s what people do, right? Well apparently, and this was shocking to me, so just go ahead and prepare yourselves…

Apparently people like things so much in the store that they buy them and never return them. Ever. They just keep them. They take the tags off and wear them without any hesitation or second thoughts. They throw the tags and receipts away even. Astonishing, isn’t it?

I don’t know how or why I got into the habit of doing this. I don’t remember my mom doing it. Not when she was buying things for herself at least. If she bought something for my dad or for one of us when we weren’t there, then I’m sure she would hang on to the receipt just in case (she’s a smart lady, my mom). But I don’t know where this came from. I think it’s partially that I’m a bit of an impulse buyer, but I’m wise to my own ways (subconsciously, obviously), so I prepare for the moment when I realize it was a bad choice to purchase that smocked tunic that makes me look completely obese even though I was certain that I could and would take it in to make it look totally hott.

It’s a system that, though flawed in that it uses time and energy unnecessarily, really works for me. I bring a pair of purple shoes home, try them on with several different outfits and realize they don’t really jibe with the rest of my wardrobe, so I return them and voila! Twenty bucks I can feel not guilty about spending at Target because hey! I’d already spent that money before. In my mind, it was gone already. Or if I’m feeling particularly poor and/or thrifty, I hang on to it for later when I need to get my “earl” (oil) changed. Look at me! Using money wisely! I’m so grown-up sometimes that I forget I only work part time. And that I eat expired food as long as it doesn’t smell rotten. And that I don’t always wear a bra. And sometimes I pee in the shower. And my parents still pay my insurance bills. And I have a secret crush on the Jonas Brothers. And I shop in the juniors department. And I wear days-of-the-week underwear. (Game: Some of those things aren’t true. Can you guess which ones?)

Anyhoe, the slightly dangerous (though some may call it adventuresome) side to this buy-and-return method of shopping is that I don’t only do it with shopping. I like to try things out for a while before I decide to stick with them. That’s how the vegan thing started out. It was sort of an experiment. Could I possibly give up cheese? And it’s worked out pretty well (except for when baked goods are involved). And living in Raleigh. I tell you, signing that first year-long lease was a BIG DEAL for me. After all, I’d only been here for about six months. I wasn’t sure I wanted to stick around (I’m still not really sure about that, but it’s a little different now). And I think I probably do this with guys too. I like to have a crush and flirt with a dude for a while without any commitment while I decide just how much I like him. I don’t know where I’m going with this exercise in self-discovery, really. I imagine it probably goes deeper than I realize or want to share on the internet, so I’ll stop now. This is a pretty long post, and I have to go return some things to Target anyway.

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