for your entertainment

By beth | July 10, 2008

I just received a series of text messages from DLF (because they wouldn’t all fit into one, I assume) that read as follows:

Hey sexy, I miss you. You are my soulmate and I’m not complete without you. I want to shag with you and then slowly lick vegan icing from a box of oreos that we share, knowing that the new dawn brings heaping bowls of honey nut cheerios.