« here comes the crazy | Home | moving! part one »
Yeah, I kill insects…and I LIKE IT
By beth | June 20, 2008
I’m so thankful for my coworkers, who have already had the pleasure (or misfortune) of dealing with many of the things I deal with. I went in to work this morning, and I was telling them about our little fly problem, and immediately, they all said, “You should get some fly paper.” FLY PAPER!! What a novel idea! So I went to Lowe’s on my way home today and picked some up. It’s not at all what I expected it to be, though. It comes in these little tubes, and you hang it from the ceiling and pull it down so it makes a sticky little curly-q. I hung several of them around the light in the kitchen (where they like to convene at night), and I hung several more in the window (where they are currently holding office hours), and then I just stood there and watched them get stuck. And I got a sick little rush every time one of the little punks got stuck. And I just kept thinking, This is why I can’t tell people I’m vegan. This is why I’m just “adhering to a vegan diet”…most days. I take great joy in knowing that the jerky little vermin will die on a gluey piece of curled paper hanging from my ceiling. Ok, maybe not great joy. But I’d rather have them dead than flying around my living room. It’s just gross.
Oh, but the whole reason I’m telling you this is so that I can tell you about the first Lowe’s employee I approached to help me locate the fly paper. He was the kind of guy who wears too much hair product in too little hair (too short, I mean), has regrettable tattoos and wears white, non-athletic tennis shoes with very short socks. A khaki shorts with a wife-beater type of guy. You know, like Kevin Federline. Yeah, put K-Fed in a Lowe’s vest, and you have the guy in mind. So he’s sort of be-boppin’ around the store, and I stop him and ask if they sell fly paper. And I kid you not, the dude looks me straight in the eye and says, “What the hell is that?”
I mean, I know I’m young and hip-looking, but come on. Even on the days I wear jeans, a t-shirt and flip-flops to work (today), none of which am I supposed to wear to work (not that anyone cares), I know that this is not an appropriate question to ask a customer in a place of business. Seriously, when I’m giving advice on professionalism, you know I’ve either grown up a little or there is something terribly amiss. And considering the fact that I spent my morning watching Seabiscuit and teaching the other teachers “sexy walk,” “sexy up” and “sexy down,” we’re going to go with the latter.
Topics: dancing, fashion, friends, ESL, "celebrities" |
June 23rd, 2008 at 11:43 am
More shocking:
This guy had no idea what fly paper is. I mean, who doesn’t know what fly paper is? That’s like asking where you keep the coat racks and them saying “What are coat racks?”
June 24th, 2008 at 12:43 pm
I’m wondering if the K-Fed wannabe guy wasn’t confused by the dual usage of the word “fly” in contemporary vernacular. So maybe he was thinking, “what? paper ain’t fly! that’s wack, yo.”