for anyone who thinks grammar is boring

No, this will not be the post about the Oxford comma, for anyone who might be waiting for that one. It’s coming, but I’m still working on it. Hold your horses. This is the post to warm you up to the idea of discussing grammar here at Onward Hoe!, although I think this one will be far more entertaining than the Oxford comma one.

Anyhoe, I have this book that I am using in the class I’m teaching for Wake Tech’s ESL certificate program. The class is on teaching grammar, and the book is Techniques and Resources in Teaching Grammar. It’s a pretty good book over all, but when I read the part I am about to share with you, I laughed out loud and had to call Amaris to read it to her because someone else needed to get in on it with me at that very moment.

It’s talking about some assessment tool developed by the Foreign Service Institute. It is used by numerous foreign affairs agencies of the US government and is apparently (or was at the time this book was published) the best oral proficiency assessment tool available. Its rating scale runs from 0 to 5, and the book offers the following examples of speech indicative of each level:

Level 5: Under US statutes, your affiliation with the Communist Party renders you ineligible for a regular tourist visa. There exist, however, waiver procedures which may be invoked. These are the steps that you should initiate…

Level 4: According to US lawss your affiliation wiz ze Communist Party makes you uneligible for a regular tourist visa. You may, however, request a waiver. Zis iss what you must do…

Level 3: Zee laaw zayz zat mambears of zee Communistic Partee caanoht bee geeven a regoolair tooreest veesaa. Owehvair, egzeptions are zohmtaymes dunn. You must do zees…

Level 2: You cannot leglally get toolist visa. It is not light, because berong to Communistic Palty. But you can ask for a special permission. You to do this…

Level 1: You commyunist. No gyet vyisa. Got tryy agyain.. Take thyis. Fyill in, plyeez.

And just for your own personal reference (for those of you who are still uncertain as to what I do exactly), I take students who are somewhere around a level 2 or 3, and I make them a level 3 or 4. Just today, in fact, we worked on the /r/-/l/ distinction. And we talked about animal noises, super heroes and gas. Yes, bodily gas. It’s been a fun day.

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