I give up
Alrighty, background confession time: I signed up for eHarmony last week. There was a special, yada yada yada, I’m on it. And the immediately noticeable thing that eHarmony’s got going for itself is that the majority of its users are literate. I also like that you can’t just go haphazardly perusing and messaging everyone. Rather, you have to be matched with them based on the “29 Dimensions of Compatibility” or whatever. And apparently I’m quite matchable. I’ve got like 80 of them suckers sitting in my account.
Now, I certainly am not interested in all of them, and I’m certain that they’re not all interested in me, but I’ve initiated contact with a few, and a few have initiated contact with me. Only one has gotten through the entire online meet-n-greet process into open communication, and that is where tonight’s story begins.
I hate online dating. I really do. I think it’s a fine way to meet people, and I don’t think there’s anything wrong with it at all. The thing I hate is the dating part. It’s just so unnatural to me because (and maybe I’ve said this before) you meet someone for the first time in a situation that is inherently romantic (a date), and it might take you three or four dates to figure out if you’d even want to be friends with this person, but by then, you’ve been on three or four dates, which technically means that you are dating. But you haven’t even had a chance to decide if you like them that way. And you’re dating. So in a normal relationship, where you’d decide after three meetings that you’re not into them, you just go the friend route. But in the online dating situation, you have to “break up.” You can’t just naturally put each other on the “friends” list. It’s just annoying.
So I met…hmmm…let’s call him Leo. I met Leo, and he made it to open communication. He seemed very nice and interesting, and we began to email. And then I thought, This is stupid. We should just meet like normal people and decide if we like each other or not…stop wasting our time emailing when we could either move forward or move on. So I emailed Leo and told him how I felt about online dating. I said that if he wanted to meet up in person, I’d like to do that, but I’d rather not call it a date, but rather and informational meeting. He said that was fine, and that he’d love to meet me for coffee some time. We did that tonight.
Ok. So I’m sitting in Starbucks, working on an article while I wait for him. And five minutes go by…then ten…then he finally comes up and says hi. Apparently he’d been waiting for me outside in the 35 degree weather. Why he didn’t come in to see if I was there first, I do not know. So he sits down, and the man is wearing a shirt something akin to this one, only it has fish on it instead of ducks. Now, I’m not sure why one would choose to purchase such a garment, much less wear it to an informational meeting with a girl from eHarmony. I mean, I know it wasn’t a date and all, but if you’re looking in the closet for a shirt that’ll make a good impression on a girl, keep looking past anything involving wild game. Just a tip. I put forth a concerted effort to look cute, and now I just feel like I wasted my skinny jeans.
Don’t get me wrong, he was a perfectly nice guy, and it was a decent hour, and I got a cup of Earl Grey out of the deal, but it wasn’t a match. Our personalities were very different, and I felt like I couldn’t completely be myself for fear of overloading him. It was clear that some of my jokes were just missing the mark, and if I’d really let loose, I would have lost him entirely. Like if I’d told him about Just Now, he would have laughed a little (perhaps from discomfort) and said, “Alright. That’s cool, that’s cool. Right on,” all the while looking completely bewildered and uncertain about how to proceed. I could never get him really engaged in anything, and I almost felt like we were competing in the conversation instead of conversing.
I know that the personality difference is a perfectly valid reason for not being interested. I just wish I had something more concrete (like another relationship in the works) because he seemed really into it. And (and this is terrible), he was also matched with a friend of mine, but he closed the match because he “is pursuing another relationship.” Uhhhh…I really hope that’s not me. What am I supposed to do though? The man was wearing a button-down fish shirt for crying out loud!
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[…] beth placed an interesting blog post on I give upHere’s a brief overviewIt was clear that some of my jokes were just missing the mark, and if I’d really let loose, I would have lost him entirely. Like if I’d told him about Just Now, he would have laughed a little (perhaps from discomfort) and said, … […]
Its your life. Shut him down! The Fish Shirt deserves no less. I’m only semi-literate when it comes to fashion, and I would never have worn that on a first meeting. Ever. If this is what the F.S. guy brings out on the first meeting, it can only go downhill. You’ll just have to toss him back to the waters from whence he came.
Ahhh, eHarmony. Enjoy your matches while they come. I did it for three months and didn’t renew because after about 2 months I didn’t really get any new matches. Course this was over 2 years ago, so maybe there are plenty more folks using it.
I hear you on the fish shirt. His real name didn’t have any references to beef or other meat products did it?
Greg, I will write an entire post in response to your comment.
Beau, no, his name did not make any references to animal products. If it had, you know I would have shot him down immediately. I’m just that vegan.
Are you sure? are you sure his name wasn’t Leo Fish Stick Johnson? Because that would just be so fitting.
Excellent story. A++++++ Would read again.
Things I love today about being vegan:
- I get my 5 a day EASY
- Raw cookie dough no longer poses a salmonella threat
- Having every right to bail on a man in a fish shirt.
Leo shut me down for you, Beth. Just threw me out like a fish he didn’t want to bother gutting, possibly because he thought he’d just made the greatest catch of his life. Ah, the romance. The least you can do is string him along for another few dates or so.
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