BAD BLOGGER! BAD!
By beth | July 8, 2008
I just hit myself on the nose with a newspaper because I am officially the worst blogger in history. Well, maybe not in history, but in the last week at least. Sorry about that, friends. And I SO don’t have time to be doing it right now, but I wanted you to know that I am still alive and kicking. Although the one person who really cares about whether I blog or not is on a cruise in the Mediterranean right now, so it’s not like it really matters. But still. Here is a rundown of why I have not been with you of late.
- I’m moving this coming weekend, so there’s a lot of packing going on.
- Future Roommates and I were at the new house all last weekend painting. And painting. And painting.
- I don’t have internet at home (I am currently at the ‘bou).
- My social life is going really well.
- Lesson plans eat time. They just eat it. And you don’t ever get it back.
That’s about it. It was rather an eventful weekend apart from the painting. I went to see Hairspray on a big (though not big enough in my opinion) outdoor screen on Thursday. Then I went to a 4th of July cookout at Jeff’s on Friday, and Nick and Emily (of Emily and Nick) were in town, so I invited them, which was SO great because I hadn’t seen them in MONTHS, and well…they’re my people.
So then we all went to watch fireworks, but as soon as we got there, Armageddon was upon us. You know, the sky turned black, and the moon turned to blood, so we packed up to head back to Jeff’s before the bottom dropped out, but before we got there, a friend who was a part of our caravan had a motorcycle accident, so we spent some time in the emergency room before going back to Jeff’s to watch Tommy Boy. And when that was over, everything was wet, so it was easier for the boys to convince the girls that setting off fireworks in the back yard wasn’t a terrible idea. So Emily and I stood on the porch, oooooo-ing and aaaaaaaaaaah-ing at the fireworks (which I must admit were actually pretty impressive…and didn’t set anything on fire).
Yada yada yada, suddenly it was Sunday, and then Monday, and now Tuesday, and I still don’t know what I’m teaching tonight, which is a bad, bad thing because it’s a class I have to be really prepared for in general and especially tonight because I think I’m being observed.
So…
Off I go a-plannering!! Valderi! Valdera! Valderi! Valdera-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!!
Topics: music, friends, Family, ESL, movies/TV/video | 1 Comment »
problem solved
By beth | July 1, 2008
Well, I am happy (and a bit disturbed) to report that ’twas the Crest Pro-Health causing my lack of taste sensation. I stopped using it thanks to a tip from J.Beau (thanks, J.Beau!), and miraculously, within hours, it was like I had a new tongue! I went out to Chipotle on Friday night, and I kid you not, that was the most delicious burrito I have ever tasted. It was a dining experience rivaled only by the first taste of Bojangles upon my return from Honduras in 2002. Or maybe the first taste of Bojangles on Christmas break, 2003, when I came home from New York after nearly a 4-month fast from the southern fried crack.
Anyhoe, delicious. So Crest Pro-Health…stay away from it. It is the devil. And apparently it turns some people’s teeth brown. Thank goodness that didn’t happen to me, but I have had a sore spot on my tongue that is just now healing. I don’t know if it’s related, but ouchy. It hurts.
And now I feel sore in my throat, which I’m sure is not related, but which I shall blame on the mouthwash anyway. Evil, evil mouthwash.
Topics: friends, food | 2 Comments »
game plan
By beth | June 27, 2008
Well one of my coworkers is worse than the ECU student health center when it comes to mis-diagnosing pregnancy. We tried to convince her that there are several important prerequisites to becoming pregnant (one in particular) in which I have ne’er participated, and that it is therefore impossible for that to be the case. But again, just like the student health center, she didn’t believe me.
I’d like to thank all of you, however, who did some serious research and came up with some pretty good theories as to why everything tastes like nothing right now. There are currently three front runners, which I will be attempting to eliminate one-by-one over the next two to three weeks.
- My mother found a website that suggested exposure to certain insecticides could be to blame. And what with the Orkin man having come a-calling recently, this is a possibility. I think we’ll probably not know for sure, however, until the place gets good and aired out or I move (which is happening July 12-ish if anyone’s interested in helping).
- A vitamin B-12/zinc/iron deficiency could be to blame, all of which are often found in meat/fish, which we all know I don’t eat. It doesn’t make a whole lot of sense for this to be affecting me now after adhering to a (mostly) vegan diet for seven months, but I busted the multi-vitamin back out today, so we’ll see if that helps.
- I got a new mouthwash earlier this week. If that is what’s causing this, you can bet your buttons that Crest will be receiving a VERY unhappy letter from me. Let’s see how much free toothpaste we can get, shall we?
So like I said, I started on the vitamin supplement today. If that doesn’t help, then next week I’ll switch back to my old mouthwash. And if that doesn’t work, then I’ll be moving out of the Orkin apartment on the 12th, so we shall see. Until then, however, I would like to tentatively retract my praise of the Orkin man. You hear that, internet? Please maintain neutral feelings on the Orkin man until his role in this taste thing can be determined. Until that time, no feelings are to be had for him one way or the other. But once we get it figured out, we will either reinstate his royal status for killing the flies (which were mostly attached to the fly paper already, but hopefully he at least kept more from coming in), or we will condemn him forever for stealing all the joy from my dining experiences this week. We shall be torn, however, because the lack of taste has made for a lack of appetite, which will hopefully make for a lack of five pounds or so.
Topics: friends, Family, ESL, food | 1 Comment »
Ok web researchers!
By beth | June 26, 2008
Time for y’all to get crackin’. Here’s the deal. I can’t really taste anything. I mean, I can, but it’s all very muted. Everything sort of tastes like cotton balls. Even water tastes weird. So even though I am very hungry, I’m not all that interested in eating because it doesn’t taste good no matter what. Any ideas?
Topics: not normal, food | 5 Comments »
happy, happy hump-day!!
By beth | June 25, 2008
Tuesdays are so rough this semester that I always feel like Wednesdays should be Fridays. But unfortunately, they’re only Mondays, which makes Thursday feel very left out. However, God bless the Orkin man, there are NO LIVING FLIES in our apartment!! I took down all the fly paper this afternoon and threw it away. It was one of the more disgusting things I’ve ever had to do in my life, which is saying a lot, but it’s over now. They are resting in peace in the dumpster, and I hope that they never return. I also hope that the Orkin man’s death spray killed any spiders and/or other little buggy buddies living in our apartment. I’ll settle for all the flies being gone, though. And I’ll tell you another thing. Brookie and I are believers in the fly paper, buddy. That stuff WORKS! If you ever have a fly problem, it is a wise investment, and at less than two bucks for four strips, it’s not even a big investment. And if you can buy it from Kevin Federline…all the better.
Topics: not normal, friends, ESL, "celebrities" | No Comments »
I wish…I wish…
By beth | June 23, 2008
I wish I had time to tell you about my fabulous weekend. I wish I had time to tell you how fabulous “Forbidden Broadway” was, and how worth it it was to sit in the rain for an hour waiting for it to start. I wish I had time to tell you how hilarious it was when the Les Mis actors couldn’t get off the fake turn-table. I wish I could tell you how excited I am that KimSko and G. Lover are my neighbors now (if only for a few weeks). I wish I could tell you all about the lingerie shower we threw for HP yesterday and how uncomfortable some of the conversation made me. I wish I could tell you how hard HP and I laughed last night when I taught her all the “sexy” moves (up, down, walk, etc.) and how uncomfortable I think it made her to watch me do them all.
But unfortunately (and fortunately ALL AT THE SAME TIME), I’ve got said HP watching Once in my apartment while I’m here at the business center planning for class tomorrow. So I don’t have time to tell you all those things. Maybe I’ll do that later.
Topics: fashion, dancing, music, friends, ESL, movies/TV/video | 1 Comment »
moving! part one
By beth | June 21, 2008
We’re moving Kim and G. Lover!! I’m telling you about it from my pinkberry! At Whitney’s very bizarre request!!
Topics: friends | 1 Comment »
Yeah, I kill insects…and I LIKE IT
By beth | June 20, 2008
I’m so thankful for my coworkers, who have already had the pleasure (or misfortune) of dealing with many of the things I deal with. I went in to work this morning, and I was telling them about our little fly problem, and immediately, they all said, “You should get some fly paper.” FLY PAPER!! What a novel idea! So I went to Lowe’s on my way home today and picked some up. It’s not at all what I expected it to be, though. It comes in these little tubes, and you hang it from the ceiling and pull it down so it makes a sticky little curly-q. I hung several of them around the light in the kitchen (where they like to convene at night), and I hung several more in the window (where they are currently holding office hours), and then I just stood there and watched them get stuck. And I got a sick little rush every time one of the little punks got stuck. And I just kept thinking, This is why I can’t tell people I’m vegan. This is why I’m just “adhering to a vegan diet”…most days. I take great joy in knowing that the jerky little vermin will die on a gluey piece of curled paper hanging from my ceiling. Ok, maybe not great joy. But I’d rather have them dead than flying around my living room. It’s just gross.
Oh, but the whole reason I’m telling you this is so that I can tell you about the first Lowe’s employee I approached to help me locate the fly paper. He was the kind of guy who wears too much hair product in too little hair (too short, I mean), has regrettable tattoos and wears white, non-athletic tennis shoes with very short socks. A khaki shorts with a wife-beater type of guy. You know, like Kevin Federline. Yeah, put K-Fed in a Lowe’s vest, and you have the guy in mind. So he’s sort of be-boppin’ around the store, and I stop him and ask if they sell fly paper. And I kid you not, the dude looks me straight in the eye and says, “What the hell is that?”
I mean, I know I’m young and hip-looking, but come on. Even on the days I wear jeans, a t-shirt and flip-flops to work (today), none of which am I supposed to wear to work (not that anyone cares), I know that this is not an appropriate question to ask a customer in a place of business. Seriously, when I’m giving advice on professionalism, you know I’ve either grown up a little or there is something terribly amiss. And considering the fact that I spent my morning watching Seabiscuit and teaching the other teachers “sexy walk,” “sexy up” and “sexy down,” we’re going to go with the latter.
Topics: dancing, fashion, friends, ESL, "celebrities" | 2 Comments »
here comes the crazy
By beth | June 19, 2008
Ok, friends. Here we go.
I had a dream the other night that I was standing outside somewhere, and I looked across the street to see a high school friend standing in her yard (Katie). I haven’t seen or talked to this girl in AGES, so I don’t know why she would have popped up in my dream other than maybe I’ve been thinking about 10-year reunion plans a lot lately. Anyhoe, there she was, so I went over and we had our own mini-reunion.
Then, I was in her house, taking a picture of a baby that I assumed was hers. The camera was rather alarming to the baby, who started to cry, but when I moved the camera away from my face, the baby calmed down and said, “Oh, it’s you.” I confirmed that I was, in fact, myself, and I asked the baby if she wanted anything. She replied that she was quite thirsty, so I proceeded to take the baby into the living room, sit down on the sofa with her and breast-feed her. Yeah. This is where it starts getting weird.
So the whole time this is going on, I’m thinking, Is this ok? Am I allowed to do this? How is it even physiologically possible? Man, I hope this is allowed. Oh wow, it’s working. Why is it working?
And while we’re still there, Katie comes into the room and sits down like nothing is strange at all, so I figure it’s ok that I’m breast-feeding her baby, and we start chit-chatting. Well, when I finish feeding the baby, I pick her up, and her face is all deformed and sort of translucent (her lips at least), and I turn her around and ask Katie if this is normal. Maybe, I think, it’s just what happens when you breast-feed. She informs me that no, this is not a normal reaction, and that it is actually really, really weird.
Well then, the baby starts to grown red/green iridescent scales on her head and face, and then her body transforms into that of a wee dragon. At this point, I realize that not only is this my baby, but that I must have been abducted and impregnated by aliens. Then I gave birth, they erased my memory, and I came back to live a “normal” life. And now that I’ve fed the baby, she has taken on her true form or whatever. So I freak out and leave.
Fast-forward 20 years.
I’m walking down the street with a friend, and we are at a corner. Crossing the other way, you know, just like a normal member of society, we see a dragon, who is pink and soft - like a plush toy - and very fashionable. She appears to be about 20-years-old, and I know immediately that she’s my baby, so I say to my friend, “That’s my baby,” and then I walk up to the dragon and say, “Lydia?” And she turns around, and we are reunited (and it feels so good…reunited ’cause we understood…), and all is well.
The End.
Topics: not normal, fashion, friends, Family, sleep/dreams, food | 1 Comment »
more disgusting than cupcakes made from my own excrement
By beth | June 19, 2008
I was essentially either at work or en route to/from work yesterday from 8:45 a.m. to 9:45 p.m., and when I arrived home after such a long day, I found my roommate looking very stressed and scrubbing the kitchen like a mad woman. Her response to “How are you?” was “We HAVE to clean.” I didn’t disagree that the apartment could use a once-over, but it wasn’t a total sty. It was really just the usual clutter that tends to build up in my presence. So I asked her why we HAD to clean, and she said, “Because it smells, and I’ve killed at least 25 flies already.”
At that point, I looked up and saw that our ceiling was covered in flies. And I don’t mean there were ten or fifteen. I mean there were at least fifty, and I’m not exaggerating. Umm…DISGUSTING. So we spent the next hour hunting them down, stunning or killing them with a feather duster, which we will be disposing of as soon as all the flies are gone, and sucking them up in the dust-buster.
It was a sight, let me tell you, and we had the blinds up because they were hiding back there, so if anyone had walked by, they would have seen me standing there at one point with the dust-buster in one hand and a flip-flop in the other, poised and ready to kill, looking up at the ceiling and turning round and round like Clarice Starling in the blacked-out house at the end of Silence of the Lambs.
By the time we said our good-nights, we must have killed 40-50 of the little buggers, and then I killed two more - one in my bedroom and another in my bathroom. We have no idea where they’ve come from, or why they like our place so much, or how on earth there are SO FREAKING MANY OF THEM. But I’m sure now that we’ve started killing them, their little death pheromones have spread far and wide, calling in the troops who’ve sworn never to leave a man behind, so needless to say, I’m not too keen on going home right yet. Maybe I’ll go for a pedicure while I’m out as my feet are pretty much on par with the disgustingness of an apartment full of flies. At least I could make one thing less gross.
Topics: not normal, friends, ESL | 2 Comments »